Understanding the emotions from both sides is paramount if there is any chance for the relationship to survive.  we’ll outline the reasoning and thought process from the dancers perspective and the other person here now.

The Partners Perspective
If the partner was a customer at one point, he or she may have had some initial fatuation or attraction to the dancer, whether it was physical or on a personal level.  They don’t always think ahead of what having a meaningful relationship may entail.  The emotional aspect at first can keep things hot and heavy, where the strong desire to just spend time together and get to know each other over rides the feelings that will soon come.  If the partner comes into work, he or she may soon develop feelings of jealousy over the different parts of the dancers job.  MANY different people will come in and the dancer puts herself into very close situations, wearing very little if anything.  The dancers body is on display for everyone, and the partner may feel like that the dancer is never really “just their own.”  They have to share the dancer in a sense with the world, because their naked body is on display all the time.  This jealousy can be disastrous if not dealt with positively.

Another part of the dancers life is her regulars.  They may buy her gifts or shower her with A LOT of cash.  The partner may have feelings of inadequacy to contribute to the relationship financially as the dancer may possibly be making way more then the partner.  These feelings of inadequacy can lead to other emotions, distrust of what she is doing with her regulars, resentment that they make so much more, feeling like they are never equals because of the financial difference.  If the dancer has given her phone number out to customers, it can be even 10x worse as she will be receiving calls at all times of the day; having her regulars asking her to dinners, for dates, etc.  The feeling of distrust grows exponentialy and it usually is more then most can handle.

Another aspect is the hours many dancers work.  They go to work late and come home even later.  If the partner has a regular day job, they may be hard pressed to find meaningful couple time together.  One or the others job may suffer because of the two staying up too late or skipping work to spend time with each other.  Dating or living with a dancer can be very taxing.  And if you add all of the feelings associated with doing so just listed, it’s no wonder many dancers don’t have very long relationships. 

The dancer’s perspective
The dancer’s job is her livlihood.  She may not have time to always go out and meet new people outside of work.  If she does, the stigma of being a stripper usually intrigues a few at first, but their intentions of having a meaningful relationship with her are minimal at best.  If she meets a customer she finds intriguing, she may pursue the person until a relationship develops.  If the partner develops the feelings outlined above, she may distance herself a bit because this is what she was doing for a job when the two met.  The partner knows this, but they also know that is how they met and may worry she will find someone else better next week at work.  If the partner asks the dancer to quit their job, this leads usually to one of two things.  First a huge fight about the conflict of interests of her working as a dancer.  Next the partner will either agree with it for a bit longer if the girl decides to keep working as a stripper, or she will quit dancing for her new love.  This may seem reasonable at first glance, but what happens shortly later isn’t.  Resentment from the one giving the concessions will build and build until the relationship itself nears critical conditions.  Unless something miraculous happens, the relationship will end there.

The dancer while in a relationship will also be constantly bombarded with interest from adoring customers.  She has a potentially large  pool of possible suitors always at her feet.  If she is with someone, she must constantly be drawing the line of what borders on being faithful, what keeps their partner happy, and what they must live with if they make a mistake.  In actuallity, dancers are not much different then the general population as far as having someone being interested in you.  Either at work, a hobby or past time, or even the internet, people are lusting after someone else.  It is just much more front and center for a dancer.  She must make the same decisions everyone faces everyday that is in a committed relationship.  Should they be faithful, and what exactly defines being faithful?  This can be debated very widely and liberally.  But it should be something the couple agrees upon what is acceptable between the two.  Obviously anything the one thinks would hurt themselves if the other did it, should be enough for them to understand that it would hurt the other person.  People can be selfish and uncaring at times in a relationship when it involves personal gratification, and they may think the other won’t find out, but it’s still not fair.  And the person doing the wrong has to live with it if they have any conscience at all. 

It all comes down to whether the dancer has strong morals or if they worry only about themselves.  The main thing is if they want the relationship to successfully work, they have to understand the partners perspective, and the same goes for the partner.  They must realize it is a job, not like many others, but it is still a job.  Trust can be difficult to attain, especially in the early parts of the relationship, but it will grow if both partners intend to work any issues or difficulties that arise. 

The relationship outlined above is much like any other relationship.  Communication of what both partners want and expect, trust, and the ability to comprimise on some issues is paramount to the survival of the commitment. 

Do you have any suggestions on what helps your relationships from teetering on the brink of disaster?  If so, please share them and they may be added to a future article!

Josh and Chandra

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